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This is a reflection of my soul, through the reflection of myself in eyes of the women attending the ReAwakening Retreat in New Zealand, at Mana Retreat with Sheree Carbery.

I stepped into this experience wanting something in my life to change. These endless things, achievements and tasks left me feeling empty and lost, striving and accomplishing great things meant nothing in the end.
I searched
I adventured
I resisted
I ran
I hid.
This weekend challenged me to face into what I was hiding from.
Stepping into this felt too hard.
Unknown froze me with fear.
With gentle encouragement – eyes that see who I am under it all
Patience
Kindness
I am sitting in my own stillness – something that once felt unreachable.
Something inside me is gently reminding me
I am here for a reason.
I am exactly where I need to be
My struggle is not unknown – others feel it too.
In my vulnerability and sharing I can see all parts of me.
I have nothing to be ashamed of!!
All parts of me are welcome.
I don’t have to change me.
I LOVE my vulnerability, my power, my courage to be real.
I am grateful for the reminder of who I am.

It’s that nagging feeling, that there is something forgotten, something to do, something to worry about.
That nagging feeling that creeps up in the quiet moments, and is numbed in the busy moments. That nagging feeling that pulls and pushes me to do, do, do.
To strive, to complete, to work on, to improve, to get there, where ever there is?

That nagging feeling that unsettles me,
that points,
prods
pokes
at me from the inside out, do this, what about that? What have you forgotten? What should you be doing right now?
SHOULD,
SHOULD
SHOULD.

That nagging feeling, that pushes me to find the answer,
find the fix,
find the solution,
find this elusive relaxed contentment that is promised in the end.

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Cycles, Shedding, Spring

I feel that my life goes in cycles.
Expanding and contracting.
Living and dying.
Shedding and renewing.

I ride through the emotions, thoughts and feelings, making decisions for myself, from small to big, depending on how I feel and think in each moment. My heart argues with my head. My inner critic argues with both. “Polly pleaser”, the part of me that wants to do the right thing for the people around me fights the hardest sometimes

I have grown the most when I have fallen the hardest. When I fall, things in my life die and fall away. What I think mattered no longer matters. It’s a big adjustment, the process of letting go of the things that once made my world turn, gave me purpose and grew my passion, strength and inspiration.

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The key of my week has been about self nurturance. If you do not make this a part of your life regularly, the core of your being – and – doing… then I have found that my body will find ways to slow me down, by manifesting sickness, stress or anxiety, until i STOP and listen to what I need, listen to the gentleness and reconnect with myself and my body.

On the weekend I went to Daylesford and stayed in a small cottage in the middle of a forrest with two very dear friends, Honor and Saffron. With the rain and the fog, the trees and the spiders, we lit a fire in the fireplace, decorated the cabin with candles and made art, while pondering life. I slept in and woke to the sounds of silence, content and still in a dreamy state. From there we made breakfast and dawdled through the Daylesford Sunday market, and picked up some organic veggies before heading back to Melbourne.

Since then, I have done art everyday, for the past 5 days. Even just a small doodle while on the phone, through to paintings and pastels and collages. I have set up a new space with my art materials at the ready, some cushions and the intention to create, every day. I even picked up the “Artists Way” and realised that I do my own artists way already…

Life is fast paced and can be stressful. There is always more on the to-do list. There is always things that need to be done, bills that need to be paid and errands that need to be taken care of. Then there are DREAMS that are waiting, goals to be set and small stepping stones tasks to take you on your way. Creativity is the energy of life. If you tune into your own creativity, and share it with the people around you, it spreads like wild fire. Each day I have invited someone to create with me, and the conversation that flows while writing, drawing, painting, cutting and pasting is so interesting.

Give it a go and see what will come through. Companion yourself into the realm of possibility, of the unknown, of the way of the creative life. Make a choice- Set a time, when and where? The rest will come from there.